My Mission

Applying a Lesson from ‘Anne of Green Gables’ in My life

As I was reading “Anne of Green Gables,” a part stuck out to me. It is not included in the movies because I think producers chose to take it out afraid that its contents would offend someone.

In Anne’s first few days at Green Gables, Marilla asks her to go upstairs and retrieve her card with a prayer on it so she could memorize it.  Anne has been a long time and Marilla comes to find her standing on the stairs looking at the picture of “Christ Blessing Little Children” hanging on the wall.

Anne imagined she was one of the children.

“I was the little girl in the blue dress standing off by herself.  She looks lonely and sad.  She crept shyly, hoping Christ would notice her. He would look at her and put His hand on her hair and oh, such a thrill of joy as would run over her!” (p. 56)

I love the imagery of this! Dear Anne had felt unwanted since she was a baby. Her parents died of fevers when she was just three months old, then a neighbor took her in until she was eight. Then she went to another home where the woman had three sets of twins all under the age of six.  She looked after them for three years until she was finally to the orphanage in Nova Scotia. Her story tugs on your heart strings. You feel sad for the little girl who had not known love.  I love that she felt drawn to the painting and could imagine herself in the photo.

I feel it is a lesson for me and important that I do the same. I need to picture myself standing next to Jesus Christ. I believe he will put his arms around me and hug me and “such a thrill will run over me.”   I do believe in Jesus Christ. I do know that He came to earth and suffered for my sins, but also for my “physical pains and anguish, my weaknesses and shortcomings, my fears and frustrations, my disappointments and discouragement, my regrets and remorse, my despair and desperation, the injustices and inequities I experience, and the emotional distresses that beset me.” (Elder David A. Bednar,  “Bear up Their Burdens with Ease”, Ensign, May, 2014.)

I know this is true.

 

Life with Boys, Motherhood

Back to School is Bittersweet

No, I’m not! I know many parents count down the days until their children are back in school, but I have to say, I am not one of them. I really hate when summer comes to an end.  I love summer. I love the freedom each new day brings whether we will stay at home or go on an adventure. I enjoy my boys and I love when they are home. I know they need school to learn and grow but sometimes I wish I could make time stand still. I have incredible boys and I am going to miss them when they start back to school tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also the end of an era. Sniff. My youngest is going to be in school full time.  It is bittersweet. I am happy for him because he will grow so much this year, but I am feeling a bit melancholy. I no longer will have any little person at home with me. There have been many times over the last fourteen years that I have been home with my children that I have wanted to tear my hair out and run away from the craziness, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I remember feeling overwhelmed with the task of holding my oldest in his car seat as we left the hospital. I thought,”they are really letting me take this baby home? Don’t they know I know nothing?” It was difficult. I had taken classes and looked after children before, but never infants on only on a few hours of sleep. I remember once my son was crying. He had been fed, changed, burped, and snuggled and I couldn’t figure out what he needed. I remember thinking at that point “And I wanted this?” but the truth is I did. I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to look after children.

I’ll be the first one to admit that I haven’t always listened, I’ve yelled, I had my own embarrassing temper tantrums, and I teased my boys when I shouldn’t have. I haven’t been as patient or kind as I could have been (or as my husband who is the Saint of Patience) and there are many times I should have kept my big, fat mouth shut,  but being a mother has been the most rewarding job of my life. I have no “work experience” but I have grown so much as a person as I have watched my little ones grow. They have taught me so much. My oldest has grown into one of my best friends. My other two keep me on my toes. They are smart, articulate, and are always making me laugh.  I am grateful for the hard days and the great days. I am also grateful for the mediocre days.

My Heavenly Father knew I needed these boys to become a better person and I am so grateful he sent them to me.  We may have closed the door on having little children now, but I know my husband and I are excited to enter the new door of having older children and the joy that will come from it. I’ve got four years (just four years!) with my oldest, and I am determined to try to be the kind of mom that my boys need.

 

Family, Motherhood

Motherhood is a Great Achievement

Today my twelve-year-old son needed help finding old photos for a class assignment. The photos celebrated certain milestones in his life from his first step and losing his first tooth to his first day fo school and his last day of elementary. As we journeyed into each photo instantly I was there again. Tears formed in my eyes. I couldn’t help it. How could twelve years have gone by so quickly? I’ve heard other mother’s say ‘enjoy them, they grow up so quickly’ and I am finally getting it. I used to think I needed to do ‘great’ things like finally finishing my novel or having a successful career in order to be ‘important, but honestly,and  I am finally realizing motherhood is and always will be my greatest achievement.

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My oldest at age 4

Where has the time gone? Wasn’t it just yesterday I was holding my first baby in my arms? I looked up to my son (literally he is 5 inches taller than me now) and thought he is no longer a boy, he is becoming a man. He is a kind, respectful, smart, and talented person and I couldn’t be prouder. They always say it goes by too fast and I realized tonight it does. Too many times I have wondered over the years about my own worth because I am “just a mom” but I am my son’s mom and I have been able to enjoy each and every stage of his life.

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Me and the two oldest six years ago

 

If I could get in a time machine now and go back to the stressed out me when he was a brand new baby I would say, “hold him a little longer for me.” Oh, how I miss his chubby cheeks and cute voice as a toddler. How he thought he was saying his name when he said, “Bobo,” but he was way off. How he loved taking baths so much he jumped into the tub with all his clothes on. How he said, “Peedow Parwkee” as really “the guy” who was Spiderman. How he would cry because he didn’t want to grow up and he wanted to always “stay little.” How he wondered why “Dount Cuckoo” (AKA Count Dooku) was so mean and could choose the dark side of the force.

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“Do or do not, there is no try” -Yoda

Even as I write this, tears are falling. They are a combination of happy and sad.  I always thought I had to be making some kind of money to be “worth” something, but I can say for the first time with all the power that is in me that I am worth everything to the three boys who call me “Mom” each day.  Sometimes the endless loads of laundry and dishes get seem more important because I like things tidy, but they will always be there–always, but my “little” kids won’t be.  Each day I need to remember this and enjoy my boys with all of my heart because they are and always will be my greatest achievement. 

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The Three Amigoes

 

Billy Dean

Let Them Be Little

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand
Felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute
How it amazes me, you’re changing with every blink
Faster than a flower blooms they grow up all too soon

So, let them be little ’cause they’re only that way for awhile
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh, but let them be little

I’ve never felt so much in one little tender touch
I live for those kisses, your prayers and your wishes
And now that you’re teaching me how only a child can see
Tonight while we’re on our knees all I ask is please

Let them be little ’cause they’re only that way for awhile
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh, but let them be little

So innocent, a precious soul, you turn around and
It’s time to let them go

So, let them be little ’cause they’re only that way for awhile
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh, just let them be little